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10 things you should never say to your lover

03 November 2014, 08:57

Abuja - Sometimes silence is golden, but sometimes there are things that need to be said. Its best to think before you speak. 

The last thing you’d want is for your partner to dump you over something you didn’t even mean to say. 

‘Are you really going to walk out dressed like that?’

If it’s mine then chances are I like it. There’s already so much pressure for girls to look flawless and picture perfect. 

So, she doesn’t need to be told by you that she’s not meeting the standards. 

She bought that item of clothing because she liked it- she feels good in it. Unless you have the money to buy a new wardrobe for her then maybe you should keep your comments to yourself and love her for who she is not what she wears. 

‘Babe, let’s hit the gym’

This one reminds me of a song by Ruben Studdard that goes: “Why you wanna change me, flip all the things that really make me the way that I am…you used to like your big old teddy bear…” 

If you met in the Burger King queue and he/she told you about their love for junk foods then don’t expect him/her to become a vegan now that you’re dating. 

You can only bring up the gym idea if you notice that your partner has gained some weight and it’s having an impact on their health. And even then, be tactful about it. 

Everyone is insecure about their body image and the last thing you’d want to do is hurt your lover’s feelings. 

‘If I tell you, you have to promise not to tell anyone else!’

Nobody likes a Gossiping Gertrude unless of course Gertrude is your close friend who enjoys gossip just as much as you do. Don’t fill the silence with gossip. 

If you find that you have nothing to say to each other maybe you should have a make-out session or call it a night and go to sleep. 

If word gets out and the trail leads back to you guys, it could get you into serious trouble and may even hamper your relationship. 

‘My ex did the exact same thing’

If you’re looking for an express ticket to Dumpville, then, yeah, bring up your ex. The only time your partner wants to hear about your ex is NEVER. 

It’s not nice being compared to someone even if they were a complete douchebag and you’re just this ball of amazingness. 

It shows that you still think about your ex and maybe aren’t over him/her. Your ex is old news and it’s time to focus on what’s right in front of you. 

‘This song reminds me of my ex’

Again, ex-stories are a no go area. Think before you talk, even if it’s something as simple as a song, movie or a joke. Some things are better left unsaid. 

‘Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine’

Girls are guilty of saying this. We say it but we don’t mean it. It’s actually our way of saying “my world is falling apart and I just need you to hold me and tell me that everything will be fine” or “I’m so mad at you right now.”

If you’re guilty of doing this - stop it! Your partner can’t read your mind. In a relationship, communication is very important. 

You need to verbalise your thoughts instead of harboring them. If you don’t, you might just end up exploding at your partner and then start bringing up unattended issues from three years ago. 

If something is bothering you rather deal with it right there and then. 

‘If you really love me…’

A relationship should not have terms and conditions, that’s what your job is for. If your partner uses this line to try guilt trip you into doing something, then please do yourself a favour and dump that loser. 

It is a mild form of manipulation and actually shows weakness. If you would like your partner to do something for you just ask them, chances are they’ll say yes anyways, and if they don’t, you’ll just have to accept that. 

‘Just chill- you’re overreacting’

“Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat”- @BroCulture (twitter) 

In other words, she will not calm down. Girls are sensitive and take a lot of the things guys say to heart.

From the guy’s perspective it probably isn’t even coming from a hurtful place, maybe she is being over the top and does need to take a chill pill; but try finding a more diplomatic way of telling her to calm down. 

‘Babe stop being so insecure, he/she is just a friend’

If your partner voices out their concern about you spending too much time with a friend of the opposite sex or being too friendly with them, respect their worry and maybe cut down just a little on your over-friendliness. 

Your partner will notice and it will mean a lot. So, instead of being a little insensitive rather reassure your partner about the true love you have for them. 

‘You’re always too busy for me’

Unless your partner spends 25 hours a day at work or with his friends or anywhere away from you, then don’t say this. It comes across as needy and as if you have nothing going on in your life. Remember, your partner is an individual, not an extension of you. 

- Women24

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