Abuja - I get that it's all about interaction and sharing...but there are some people you really just want to slap!
“My amazing hubby just bought me the most gorgeous handbag AND a diamond necklace!” Honey, your hubby is banging his secretary. We checked her profile. It’s true.
“Alone.” Are you physically alone? Do you feel abandoned? Be more specific. On second thoughts, rather keep quiet.
3. Random check-ins
Your bed is not an actual destination on a map. Neither is your "love's arms”. Get real, or get out of the house at least.
4. Gym updates
“Pumping some iron at the gym, sweating like pig.” Firstly, that’s gross. And secondly, where do you find the time or energy to update your status while you’re at gym? Also, stop bragging!
5. Phantom tagging
“Look at this amazing sunset. Reminds me of that time with Randy, Jeff, and Claire.” Do you think that they’ll miraculously appear if you tag them in your picture? No, they won’t. Make some real friends.
6. Shared profiles
Really, your name is Jenny and Jim Jones? I don’t know if you think this will prevent cyber cheating or something, but have some dignity dammit and create your own profile!
7. Badmouthing your boss
“My boss is such an a-hole!” Did you know that your profile is open? Yup, you’re fired.
8. Inviting me to stuff
The first time you sent me a request to join you at the ‘best party of the year’ I RSVP’d with a “maybe” because I was being polite. The second time you invited me to a party with the SAME description, I declined because I really didn’t want to go. It hasn’t changed. Your '80s parties… that dubstep… is simply NOT MY SCENE!
I get that life treats you well. I get that you’re blessed with amazing people in your life and that nothing ever goes wrong for you. Now, shut-the-eff-up. Please.
Refer to point 9.