Note: this article will read a bit like a DIY for the fashion-sense-impaired.
It’s hard to define what cool is. In fact, the harder people try, the less cool it makes them. Yet, we often look at people who are so extremely cool it almost seems to drip from their every pore; and we think, “I hate you so much”.
Or is that just me?
But, we have happy news! *insert infomercial voice here*
Now YOU can be part of the stylishly cool crowd (which differs greatly from Cape Town to Jozi, just to make it more confusing). All you need is a few key items that’ll do the trick.
1. Shoes are very important. Stompers might be your best option to consider here and nothing is cooler than black boots (heeled or flats). Nothing. Go chunky and tough like a damn Hell’s Angel. Wear it with floral dresses to a rainy, muddy festival or with denim shorts and a Breton t-shirt to a solo shopping trip - and make the world bow at your feet.
2. Sunglasses. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. Lies! No one needs to see your eyes (you don’t want people to know what you’re thinking, now do you?) Rather cover and protect those kykers with a pair of shades so dope it’ll make Jackie O’s black round sunglasses look like something that you just got from the dumpster.
3. A lip colour so bold it’ll make the sun weep.
Yes, you could be wearing a beige pedal pusher and a brown fleece polo neck and still look good! Get a colour that really suits your skin tone, and be sure to keep the rest of your makeup simple. Go for orange, deep plum and bougainvillea pop pink.
4. You need a pair of jeans that fit better than a glass of wine in your hand at 5pm on a Friday afternoon. A few requirements to follow: a) your bum should look great in it (and I don’t mean skinny, I mean good), b) it should be a bit worn like a pair of high rise jeans. Remember to style the pant with some attitude.
5. Tees that say strange things. There’s nothing like a slogan tee to get people thinking. Sorry, I mean to get people confused.
What does “$1 Tacos” add to the world? They will ask “why is this shirt even and why is this beautiful person wearing it?” That’s exactly the point. Coolness has no beginning, no end, and no definition.
VERY IMPORTANT: Whatever you do, do not wear a fedora with any of these suggestions. All will be lost.