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A man's guide to online dating

31 July 2014, 09:42Violet Online

Pay attention, men. Here is your online dating manual. It’s for your reading pleasure, it's free and it's about online dating etiquette.

1.Put up a photo. Check it really carefully and make sure that it is actually of you, because it’s easy to make mistakes.

2. Do not describe yourself as a stud. Take the word "sensual" out of your profile. "Carnal" and "lustful" should probably go too.

3. Avoid "copy and paste". I know how easy and tempting it is, but it's a little obvious, barely amusing and extremely boring.

4. Don't declare your undying love to your "match" before you even know her name. I'd suggest a conversation first: Something like - "Hi there. You seem interesting. I'm Dave and I live in Sandton. Would you like to chat?".

5. To the guy who says "I want to splash around with you like two birds in a bath", just – no.

6. To the guy who says "You’re so sexy, what are you wearing?", It’s mostly a yawn factor.  There are porn sites for that.

7. Avoid using emoticons.  

8. Unless you are really a poet or a philosopher, don’t call yourself either.  Be the carpenter,
chemist or chiropractor that you really are. There’s nothing wrong with being a builder, or a baker. We girls like honesty.  

9. Reminder: Keep your shirt on, and re-asses that photo.

10. Spell check. This is an easy one. At the top of your page, click tools, spelling

and then grammar. It'll even check your apostrophes for you.

11. Nobody, nobody

, wants to see a picture of your d*ck. Yes, even yours...Especially yours. 12. If you're 60 and looking for a beautiful and athletic young-in (between the ages of 20 and 30), get real. Also, go f*ck yourself.

13. This, dear men, is a tricky one. Remember: there is a difference between "single" and "separated". "Single" means you are most definitely on your own. "Separated" means you still have a wife or partner somewhere. There is a difference. While it may not be important to you, it is important to us.

14. And if you're just looking for a quick lay, kindly refer to point number 6. Porn sites. There are plenty and some are even free. Make sure you hide the evidence from your wife.

I trust you read attentively and that you’re going to keep it real from now on.

I'll spank you if you don’t.

- Women24

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