Abuja - You’ve just managed to lure a lover into your naughty nest, things are hotting up and it’s looking a long, sweaty night ahead. But suddenly, disaster strikes, you put on your favourite CD for getting down and dirty and your partner freezes up. Apparently “Barbie Girl” by Aqua just doesn’t do it for them.
Killing the mood right before, or even worse halfway through, some passionate lovemaking is one of the worst, most awkward experiences you’ll ever have. Here are our 5 biggest no-no’s.
1. Put. The phone. Down.
There are few things that bring on the proverbial cold water more than the beast with two backs being interrupted by a shrill ringtone or a Whatsapp message from mom. Put it away, put it on silent, you don’t need to check your tweets right now.
2. Ditch the pets
We’re sure that Mr. Kibbles is a great pet, but we don’t want his judgemental gaze watching his hump. Put him in the lounge.
3. Watch the tongue
Kissing is supposed to be smooth and sensual, like you’re giving a massage. It’s not supposed to be like attaching a washing machine to your face and suffering through a particularly vigorous spin cycle.
4. Stay clean
If you want to get dirty, you’ve got to get clean first. Going to bed with breath like Mexican food and toxic armpits should be illegal. Take a few minutes to spruce yourself up.
5. Pace yourself
A sure fire way to ruin your chances is head straight for the traditionally censored areas. Think of it like exercise, first you have to warm up and ease yourself into it. Foreplay isn’t overrated.
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