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Get the honeymoon phase back

30 May 2014, 15:05

Abuja - We all remember the honeymoon phase if we’re in a long term relationship; the butterflies, the staying up until the early hours talking, laughing and learning about each other.

Oh the excitement of receiving a text from you partner!

Even things such as shaving you legs and actually wearing a bit of slap on your face when you  know he’s coming around for a visit. The honeymoon can be addictive, with some women facing commitment problems, so that they can keep experiencing the butterflies over and over again.

So how long the honeymoon phase last?

According to some studies, it lasts about 3 years. After that, the sex life becomes less exciting and less frequent, women stop frantically trying to look their absolute best, and men stop with the exceptionally romantic gestures-expensive restaurants and turn to Chinese take aways, and morning breath becomes the norm.

Don’t get me wrong-there are some couples-mind you very few, that insist that they have kept the spark alive through years and years of being together.

I envy these couples. How do they do it? I have found that most of these couples are from an older generation. When I think of such couples a quote comes to mind: “We were born in a time when if something was broken, we would fix it.”

There are many understandable factors that cause the modern relationship to crumble or lose spark after such a short time these days.

•    Moving in together too quickly
Nowadays, courting periods are much shorter, with partners moving in together much too quickly. Moving in together means spending a lot of time together, takes away the excitant and appreciation of seeing each other after a few days, and starting to take each other for granted.

•    Having children
Having a child can have an enormous effect on any relationship. Life is no longer just about you and your partner. Your priority is now your child and your relationship takes a back seat. You are constantly tired, and for women especially, choose sleep over sex.

Having a baby also brings insecurities about a woman’s new body-the excess weight, stretch marks and taking on a motherly role, can also result in intimacy problems.

•    Financial worries
Almost every couple experiences financial issues at some point in a relationship. Previously, women were expected to stay at home and look after their children, as well as running errands and keeping the home in tip top condition, while men would work hard and bring home the bread and butter.

There are still couples that follow these practices, but to relieve the burden of today’s cost of living, both partners work.

This can lead to a breakdown in communication-as not only are we so consumed with the stress of financial trouble, we’re so exhausted after a day of work and the obligatory “How was work?”... “Was fine.”

•    Sex and intimacy
Sex is paramount to healthy relationship, and a huge part of keeping it alive. If a couple isn’t having sex, they’re pretty much best friends or worse-co-existing as roommates.

Reasons for a not so good sex life include lack of communication, trust, resentment, stress or exhaustion.

So how do we fix the short lived honeymoon period? Talk. Communicate. Make time for each other, and if necessary, see a counsellor.

Find ways to spark up your sex life and take time away from the kids-hire a sitter or ask a family member to help out.

- Women24

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