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Hilarious words for penises

07 July 2014, 10:55Annzra Denita

Abuja - In Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare wrote: “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.”

A far cry from the subtle and romantic attentions  of Mr Darcy or the poetic promises of Romeo, romance novels (more specifically erotic fiction) are more direct, with steamy sex scenes that often demand graphic detail. This includes adequate descriptions of the human anatomy which, if done badly, can spoil the whole mood.

One of the hardest parts (excuse the pun) to describe is a penis. Let’s face it. The word 'penis' is not very sexy. it is too clinical and if said too often, begins to sounds weird. To fix this, erotic fiction authors follow Shakespeare’s wise words by calling this rose by other names that either work well or are downright cringe worthy and hilarious.

There are many, many euphemisms that focus on coming up with inventive ways to describe the phallus. Some are sexy, others are just plain ridiculous, but all of them are great fun. There are also distinct categories that these descriptions fall under:

The comparative euphemism

These are the easiest euphemisms to use. They are just objects, mostly cylindrically shaped, that resemble the shape of a penis, or at least a pc version of what men wish their penis looked like.

These include words like shaft, steely rod, pike, (hot) rod and love tool.

The descriptive euphemism

These euphemisms that are meant to create sensual images of men whose ‘rods’ so are big, the mere sight of them will reduce any woman to a puddle of desire. When done incorrectly, these will  induce hysterical bouts of laughter instead of fuelling  your fantasies.

Some of these phrases are: ‘his throbbing member’; ‘evidence of his masculinity’, ‘the hard length of him’, ‘the pillar of manhood’ and (my personal favourite) ‘raging beast of his desire’.

The straight-to-the-point synonym

Sometimes there is no need to wrap a penis in pretty packaging. Authors don’t beat around the bush and take to getting straight to the point.

Words like ‘hard cock’, ‘his sex’ and ‘erect penis’ are used in the more candid hard core sex scenes.

With the various ways to say the word penis, I wonder if there is a special sexy thesaurus that all erotic fiction authors have on their shelf.

- Women24

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