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How a crush ruined my relationship

18 September 2014, 11:03Lulama

We often confuse a delusional crush with true love and end up disappointed. Lulama shares her experience of being at the receiving end of the above.

The difference between having a crush and liking someone

I just broke up with my boyfriend of two months and I have to say I’m greatly relieved. It was two months of my life that I would never want to relive.

But as horrible as it was, the relationship taught me a valuable lesson- that just because someone has a crush on you, it does not mean that they actually like you.

What causes you to have a crush on someone?

Is it his broad shoulder that has your attention? Or is it her Beyonce-like thighs complemented by her Taylor Swift like smile that has you captivated? The truth is crushes are superficial.

They are based on the person’s physical appearance or your 'thoughts' (conclusions which you have arrived at after spending not more than five minutes with your crush) on how awesome that person might be. They are not a true reflection.

The fantasy

A crush is nothing but a fantasy. It’s based on an idea of what you expect the other person to be like.  Having a crush is just setting yourself up for disappointment.
Think about it; in your mind your crush is the most perfect human being to ever walk the Earth, they can do no wrong.

In essence, your crush lives in your head as a real figment of your imagination.

I would like to say to everyone who has a crush: Wake up and get a reality check. Your crush is not a freakin’ fantasy. He/she is a real person who could do without your idealizing and unfair expectations.

I, for example, look like a sweet polite girl who doesn’t drink too much and shakes her head at those who swear.

He fell in love with this image that I unconsciously portray. This led to him asking me out on a date, to an expensive restaurant.

I gladly accepted (I hadn’t been on a date in years, let alone an expensive restaurant).  The date, according to my observations, was going very well.

I found him to be quite funny and smart in a casual way. The conversation was flowing and so was the wine. At the end of the date he dropped me off at home and we hugged goodbye.

The reality

We started dating and after having dated for a while one morning I woke up to a text message from him saying: "I’m sorry but you’re not the girl I imagined you to be..."

"... I thought you were sweet and just girlfriend material but ja you’re just different. Anyways just thought I should let you know before I start ignoring your calls and have you thinking I’m a douche". Too late buster, I already think you’re a douche.

This guy made me feel like something was wrong with me for not being like the girl he fantasized about.

When he met the real me, the real me who sporadically drops F bombs in mid-conversation, the real me who would rather listen to rap music than soppy Alicia Keys , he thinks to himself whoa I made a mistake, what’s wrong with her?

He mistook having a crush on me for liking me. So men (and women), let’s learn to like a person based on their character not on how you imagine them to be.

- Women24

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