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The challenges of dating a baby daddy

06 June 2014, 09:46Paballo Molahlehi

Abuja - You meet this amazing guy and you immediately hit it off.

He’s compassionate, witty, magnetic and an intellectual. His sex drive would put Usher’s raunchy lyrics to shame. On paper, he’s the closest thing to perfect you’ll experience.

Where poetry’s concerned, he sings a song only your heart can hear. As is expected of such chemistry, you fall madly in love.

You can’t begin to fathom how you survived this long without him and you dare not imagine a future where he’s missing from your life.

The catch? He has a child from a previous relationship – what we in urban areas call a ‘baby daddy’.

Not a lot of women think about “baby mama drama” without contempt. For most single, career-oriented women, discovering that a man has a child is enough to cause severe heart palpitations.

It seems petty considering that baby mamas and daddies have become the norm; but the fears associated with it are real and shouldn’t be belittled.

These men are rarely given the opportunity to prove themselves because of the supposed “baggage” they’re perceived to have.

The issue is not so much about the baby as it is about the mama and the subsequent drama that unfolds when she finds out that the daddy has moved on.

Some of the reasons women are petrified of dating baby daddies include:

1.    The baby mama’s bonkers
Their relationship might have not ended amicably and she may still be harbouring some “hard feelings”. Finding out about the new lady in his life will only intensify her bitterness.

It won’t matter how great a person you are, she’ll go out of her way to make you feel miserable.

2.    She uses the child to manipulate him
She’s also likely to use their child to maintain some control over him; i.e. random phone calls regarding the child when she knows he’s with you. He’ll be left feeling powerless because he has a responsibility to his child after all.

3.    You’ll never come first
You’ll have to accept that you’ll never be a bigger priority than his child. Brace yourself for cancelled dinner plans, romantic dates cut short and the recollection of his child’s precious moments during foreplay.

4.    You have to get along with his kid
His child may either really like you or, (depending on what their mother has told them about “daddy’s new tramp”) completely despise you. Pray that parenting skills come naturally to you.

5.    They might get back together!
They may decide to give it another shot for the sake of their child or he may run back to her because “her cookie’s way better than yours”. This prospect is always at the back of a woman’s mind.

These crippling insecurities cause baby daddies to feel like they’re constantly being ostracized. Baby-daddy-ville will always be seen as “hostile territory” which you enter at your own risk.

The fact that he is the father of a child not of your womb will remain the defect you just can’t overlook.

- Women24

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