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Why friends with benefits just doesn't work

11 March 2015, 15:33Violet Online

To catch up on the series, read Love, sex, drama and self-discovery: The escapades of Violet Online.

When I first met my 'friend with benefits' he put his hand on my knee, looked me in the eye and asked me very seriously — 'Violet, do you know what you’re getting into here?'

'Of course,' I replied super confidently, crossing my legs, showing off my bare legs, my new shoes and a hint of underwear. 

The idea of seeing this gorgeous man every now and again for great sex appealed to me. He wasn’t the marrying kind. There would be no strings attached, no rules, just fun. 

I liked the idea of 'no strings'. 

And for the next few weeks it was wonderful.  We’d see each other once a week, sometimes twice.  It was exciting, we never spoke about the weather and the sex was fantastic. We were friends, there was never tension, it was easy.

He had made it clear from the beginning though — 'This is not about love, Violet'.  He’d also made it clear that in-between seeing one another there would be 'no questions'.

'Anything else I do is not your issue. I may be with another man or a woman, but that is not your problem'.

'Yes',  I’d said, rolling my eyes.  'I know that'.

I had thought - Jeez, this man is arrogant — but it kinda suited me.

Also, I didn’t think he would be with anyone else. I am enough for one man.

Slowly we also started meeting for the odd lunch, or coffee too, and while we didn’t talk about the weather it wasn’t only about sex.

I was starting to fall in love.

One night I suggested he get me a toothbrush to keep in his bathroom.  He gave me an Airline toothbrush, from one of his business trips. 

Another day I suggested a dog walk.  He declined politely saying 'That’s not really my thing, Violet'. 

And when I suggested spooning after three orgasms he smiled and said, 'I’m just not the spooning kind, sweetheart'.

Oddly I had never been the spooning kind either. But suddenly I wanted to spoon. 

I ended the relationship. I could see it was never going to go anywhere. One party always falls in love. One party always wants more. One party was going to get heartbroken and it was not going to be him.

When I think back, I’m not sure how I ever thought it would work. But maybe it’s worked for you? Tell me. I’d love you to share your stories. 

- Women24


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