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Why you need a soul sister in your life

02 November 2015, 07:43Saffiya Ismail

There is just something different about connections between women. Throughout childhood, adolescence, through school, tertiary, work life and other social encounters, we meet different women.

There are so many stereotypes about women being one-dimensional, catty, drama-queens, self-obsessed bundles of hormones.  There is a total disregard by movies and media about our gender’s worth.  

Is it because we don’t take ourselves and our fellow sisters seriously? Do we give the opposite gender the ammunition to have these thoughts about us?

I do meet a few Kardashian or Regina George types. Most of the women I've encountered are not crazy characters we see in movies or TV, majority of the women I encounter, are strong, amazing women, who I am so blessed to know.

When speaking about these women, from my biological sisters to my soul sisters. From females within my family circle to work colleagues. I don't see drama-inducing witches; I see great selfless women; compassionate human beings.

Most of us try to empower each other, we happy to see the another woman succeed, feel proud when we see her doing something most people thought she would never achieve, simply because of her gender.

Most women have that undefined connection. We don’t stand around patting each other on the back, like our counterparts.

I am so fortunate to have close girlfriends, even though one has passed away, which in turn made me even more possessive of the others I have in my life. These women bring something different in each friendship or closeness I share with them. They have been my strength when I felt all strength had left me. I see my soul sisters who make me laugh through my tears.

If we don’t have those female connections, the world will be a pretty sad place. I think that's why when women disempower each other, when they manipulate and bring down a fellow woman be it in social, work or family arena or in media or from personal experience it truly saddens me.

Women have enough forces working against them already and we definitely don’t need our own gender adding to it and encouraging this type of behaviour. If you don't see how amazing a bond with other women is and you are definitely not a friend to women.

Close female friendships are special for many reasons, far beyond the stereotypes of the clichés of eating chocolate ice-cream in pajamas and sharing twin savers.

You need your BFFs’ because no matter how boring or implausible a story might be they never get tired or irritated hearing it. They never ever judge you when you're in the thick of PMS woes or frustrated because there’s so much to do at home, or the kids are driving you insane and you say scary stuff to them. No disclaimers or excessive apologising necessary. They know your weirdness.

If you go quiet on them for a few day, they realise you are either busy, need some alone time, and they never get upset. If your friend is excited about a new movie (my Fathima will know all about this) and you are not crazy about it, you can be honest just say it. You never get told you are selfish.  Your closest pals are so accepting.

Not only will they get annoyed on your behalf, they'll also remember who you don't get along with -- and act accordingly. They are always on your side against anyone who tries to hurt you. If you are wrong, they will be upfront with you, but never run you down in front of others. They understand your pet peeves.

They’ve seen you, heard you at your worst, and think nothing of it.  Wiped your tears, made you hot choc when you needed it. Cook your fav meals when you need it. Have a twosome braai on their patio for you. They are there when you have that meltdown, and you realise you can swear like a sailor, who knew!

Your female friends implicitly know how important it is to support you through the less-than-fun times in your life -- and they also know you'll be there to return the favor.

"That was the thing about best friends. Like sisters and mothers, they could piss you off and make you cry and break your heart, but in the end, when the chips were down, they were there, making you laugh even in your darkest hours" - Kristin Hannah, Firefly Lane

This is for my dear friends.
(Sediqua Bailey, Hasina Ismail, Fathima Moosa and Tammy Kil)

Check out Saffiya's blog and follow her on Twitter.

- Woman24


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