Hello 

Create Profile

Creating your profile will enable you to submit photos and stories to get published on News24.


Please provide a username for your profile page:

This username must be unique, cannot be edited and will be used in the URL to your profile page across the entire 24.com network.

Facebook Sign-In

Hi News addict,

Join the News24 Community to be involved in breaking the news.

Log in with Facebook to comment and personalise news, weather and listings.

 

Can you be a feminist and a good Sotho wife?

28 November 2016, 12:43

Paballo Molahleni realises that love, commitment and communication can triumph over stereotypes and societal expectations.

After having been in a relationship for just over a year, my boyfriend decided he was ready to become my husband. I’d often pondered what being someone’s wife would be like, but never did I expect it to be so soon.

In the midst of all the discussions and preparations for this life-changing event, the one question I’d constantly find myself asking was, “Am I ready?” I wasn’t uncertain that I wanted him to be the one to make an “honest woman out of me”, but whether I was prepared to compromise myself for my new role.

We’ve known each other for eight years and that was enough time for him to decide he wanted the happily ever after with me.

He’s well aware of how opinionated I am and he’s observed the many failed relationships I’ve broadcasted – on, and off the internet. That, and my tenacity to never submit to any man. He’d pointed out my feminism long before I’d identified it within myself, and we’ve had many arguments over some of his sexist remarks – so we both knew what we were getting ourselves into.

A week prior to the lobola negotiations taking place, I completely withdrew from our relationship and got lost in introspection.

There was a lot I needed to process. Would my raw, black feminism and the obligatory duties that would be imposed on me as a wife according to our Sotho culture be able to coexist? Would I be happy with taking his surname? Would me choosing to be this amazing man’s wife be considered as a betrayal of my feminist beliefs?

Also read: Ebonyi Legislator advises  Linda Ikeji about getting married

On the verge of packing my bags and leaving a tear-drenched note written, ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t go on with this’, I ran to him and expressed my fears. He reminded me why we chose to take this bold step to begin with. Not only did we find love, but we had both met our match in each other. That wouldn’t change.

If you’re having the same worries, I’d like you point you to this quote from Lisa Miya-Jervis’s essay in Ms Magazine:

“I didn't need the wedding to get that love and support, but neither does the fact of marriage automatically consign me and my man to traditional man-and-wife roles. Like so many relationships, married and un-, ours is a complex weave of support, independence, and sex. We achieve this privately - from the mundanities of ‘you-have-to-cook-tonight-because-I-have-this-deadline-tomorrow’ to sleepy late-night discussions on more profound matters, like the meaning of life or how many steps it takes to link Kevin Bacon to John Gielgud by way of at least one vampire movie.”

It’s a beautiful, insightful piece of writing and I urge you to read the whole thing.

But the bottom line is this: the beginning of any marriage is a blank canvas, with the potential to become whatever you make of it.

For the latest on national news, politics, sport, entertainment and more follow us on Twitter and like our Facebook page.

- News24

NEXT ON NEWS24 NIGERIAX
&nbps;

Read more from our Users

Submitted by
Isaac Asabor263
Separating kitchen politics from ...

Like everyone else, I believe that the most popular definition of democracy is “government of the people, by the people and for the people”. Read more...

Submitted by
Bethel Tanifo
Ministry of Niger Delta Affairs, ...

Like NDDC Unlike MONDA. This notion is an intuition that does not portend political participation, affiliation, intrusion or aggression but a submission with the intention of completion of the previous administration's noble vision. Read more...

Submitted by
Bethel Tanifo
Nigerian Constitution versus Corr...

The problems of Nigeria is not in its conventional composition, formation, functionality, constitution or treaty, while the solutions are not disintegrations as promulgated by some faiths fanatics and bigotries.  Read more...

Submitted by
Abdulsalam Jubril
Much Ado about Trump’s Presidency

It was unbelievable when the social and mainstream media all over the world began airing the breaking news of Donald Trump’s victory in the most contentious US Presidential elections in recent years. Read more...

Submitted by
Mike Daemon
Nigerian author highlights gay ch...

A new novel by a prolific young Nigerian author features gay characters, which could help increase the visibility of the gay community and possibly lead to greater understanding of LGBT Nigerians. Read more...

Submitted by
Isaac Asabor263
Your Excellency, I will call you ...

Your Excellency, Governor Adams Oshiomhole, as a leader that pays attention to details, I understand that the odd title of this piece would definitely arouse your curiosity.  Read more...