That’s right, although the art of pulling the wool over one’s partner’s eyes in the most intimate of sexual moments has long been considered the exclusive domain of the female of the species, it turns out that men have been doing it – or should that be not doing it – all along. Several studies and surveys suggest that as many as 25% of all men have pretended to have an orgasm during sex with a partner.
Two obvious questions spring to mind: “why?” and “how?”
Why men fake it
The popular, if often unspoken, suggestion that all men can have an orgasm at just about any time and place is simply not true. There are many situations in which men can’t come and may find it necessary to fake their way through a sexual climax.
Some of their reasons are akin to those women give for doing the same, the most common being not wanting to hurt their partner’s feelings.
- Most men can only climax once or twice before they close shop for the night. Not wanting to admit “defeat”, they may feel it necessary to pretend to come as vigorously on the third, fourth, fifth, sixth and sevenths attempts of a particularly energetic session of lovemaking as they did on the first. A similar situation may arise if they’ve spent the day masturbating before the main event.
- Some recreational drugs, an excess of alcohol, as well as prescription medication, including anti-depressants like Zoloft and Prozac, can cause a deflated libido and bouts of delayed ejaculation in some men.
- For many men, having an orgasm is very closely associated with their sense of masculinity and proof of being a “real” man. The associated pressure to perform, especially with a new partner, can sometimes be too much to handle. Rather than admitting “failure” they’ll just go through the motions without actually having an orgasm or having to talk to their partner about it.
- Simple physical or mental exhaustion and stress are common causes for men’s inability to reach a climax.
- There are several medical conditions which may make it difficult to ejaculate. A small number of men experience significantly delayed or inhibited orgasm and it can take them more than 45 minutes to reach a climax if they manage to get there at all. Diabetes and certain neurological conditions may contribute to the problem by lowering sensation in the penis.
- Some men struggle to come while wearing certain kinds of condoms or condoms that don’t fit them properly.
- Some older men may find reaching an orgasm increasingly difficult.
- Men who have “learned” how to orgasm by masturbating in a way that is very different from conventional intercourse may find it hard to climax during sex with a partner and may have to re-learn their technique.
All of these are perfectly good reasons. While faking an orgasm once in a blue moon may be an acceptable white lie, if it’s a regular problem we recommend that you speak to your partner about it honestly.
If you struggle to ejaculate on a regular basis you should most definitely consult your doctor about it!
… but how?
If you find yourself in a situation in which, for whatever reason, you feel the need to perform a pretend orgasm, here are some handy tips that might help you get away with it:
- Wear a condom. You’ll find it easier to hide the lack of physical evidence. Faking it without a condom is higher-grade and should only be attempted by accomplished practitioners.
- Leave the lights off. It’s easier to hide your nefarious machinations if your partner can’t really see what’s going on.
- Keep it real and don’t overact. Do everything you would normally do during a run-of-the-mill orgasm. If you normally break into a high-pitched yodel just as you climax, then by all means do that, but for the most part it’s best to keep a lid on your performance - anything unusual may arouse suspicion.
- It may be advisable not to have face-to-face sex. Most of us have a characteristic “orgasm face” and if your partner knows you well he or she may pick up the fact that you’re putting it on.Go for alternative positions like doggy style or reverse-cowgirl/boy. Anything but missionary!
- Relax and don’t worry too much about getting away with it. Most people, women included, simply can’t imagine the possibility that a guy may not be able to deliver the goods every time. The fact that your partner won’t be expecting you to fake it is your biggest ally!