Abuja - Me: I actually might not get married.
Mother: (cooking tea, she almost fell in it at my words so she asks with far off trepidation) Why?
Me: (I console her with what she might be worried about the most-grandchildren) I will get children though so don’t worry.
Mother: She starts asking me about the mechanics (she does not understand having kids with someone but not being married to them so I change the topic)
She is still set on this one though, she starts talking about the great men that are out there and just because I have heard what I have heard or seen does not mean anything but cautions me not to get married as a second wife.
So I ask her one question, ‘What if it is me who gets a second wife?’(Like I was there before and then he later on brought someone else). Now she sulked because she had never thought of that one.
No one ever thinks about that part. We all talk about how you might get to be the second wife to some older man but what if, your young beau is the older man in future and bringing you the surprise. Think of that man you call boyfriend or fiancée then just stare hard at him and remember all the fishy stuff he has ever done. You got over it, you might be in a cool place but once in a while you just have a far off suspicion that this man can change on you.
Do it while he is there on the couch or doing something on his own, let him catch you, if he jumps, keep an eye on that one. Why is he so scared?
Relationships are so unpredictable and as much as people go into marriage hoping someone will change for better- there is going to be change. Some you might like; you can grow closer together, be better friends, have a great relationship as parents and the person you knew and loved is still the same for you.
Then there is the other side that no one ever wants but I have been thinking about too much lately. Men are not loyal - while you are busy running around after the kids being a good hands on mum, he is still complaining about how you don’t have time for him and he is never there to help. Justification for him to now extend himself to other territories.
He now has to get a second wife who can help you.
Or there is that other one- men get married just because, it was time, and he needed to settle down, get a wife and have some kids. Now onto more important things. You went in expecting a partner for you and a good father for you kids but now you are still alone doing it on your own with someone that is not there. After a few years, let’s say 2-5 years, you apparently drifted apart and were no longer that sexy woman so he had to get someone else more presentable to his status. Like you were getting pregnant on your own.
We cannot forget about the career one. Most women these days can marry young but after getting into marriage, be more ambitious with their careers and school because at least they have done one of the things that would have taken complete focus. Now they can focus on something else as well. ‘You forgot you marriage and became more career driven so the help was just there at the right moment.’
You just can’t win can you?
I am not being pessimistic just realistic. It is not the older ladies who get cheated on alone; even that 30 year old husband of yours can have a side chick.
Do I have the answer like, more sex, better dressing, being more sexy, or submissive- those are just excuses people give you for you to ask yourself what you did wrong for someone else’s actions. Marriage is a game of chance, it is either going to work or not. Even the most driven, dedicated couples do get tired. It is just a matter of finding the right type of balance on what you want and what he wants- but no one is ever honest.