When you see two Ibo men having a discussion, you are usually sure money is involved. However, when two young Yoruba boys (in their late 20s) discuss, you never know what is involved. You can be rest assured though that it involves some grandstanding and each one pushing a different idea. This piece is a transcript of a whatsapp chat between two friends - both Yorubas, a Christian and a Moslem- discussing Nigeria. The chat involves security, a little bit of economy, military strategy, secession, Crimea, national conference, APC etc.
X:- Y, you have always been talking about GEJ not doing anything about the security challenges in this country. You don’t think what is going on is sabotage especially considering the recent unprovoked Fulani killings in the North? You don’t think the aim is to discredit the government? The way I see it people are being killed and only the opposition is benefiting from it.
Y:- Maybe the oga at the top is clueless, recklessly ignorant and myopic. This is just a beer parlour discussion. Andre Azazi has said it all, PDP is Boko Haram, Boko Haram is PDP. Chikena.
X:- Hmmm. OK then.
Y:- Abi, if Jonathan is truly competent, how come he cannot arrest the sponsors all this while? Is he using the precious lives of Nigerian for politricking? This kind thing dey pain me. Another 150 murdered in Katsina. I spit on Jonathan's head.
X:- So what's your suggestion? I like ideas.
Y:- X, who is in charge of this country, Jonathan or the opposition?
1. Jonathan must examine himself, appraise his sincerity in the administrative decisions he has taken so far.
2. He must as a matter of urgent National urgency convene a Sovereign National Conference where everybody will sit down and a chart a course for his/her own people.
3. There must be nothing like no go areas.
4. Those who want to go their separate ways must be allowed to do so.
X:- I know you are a secessionist anyway. What model of secession do you propose?
Y:- Organize a referendum based on ethnicity. Those who want to remain in Nigeria should do so, those who want to form their own Nation or state should be allowed to go jejely.
X:- Which ethnicity now? Is it per state or geopolitical zone?
Y:- This must be based on equity and fairness. For example, Yorubas in Jebba, Lokoja and other areas should be allowed to go with their kit and kin in the Southwest. The Ithsekiri and Edos should also be allowed to make a decision on whether they will be joining their brothers in Southwest if they wish. Based on ethnicity and geopolitical consideration. My fear is the Southeast versus South-south and North versus Middle-belt wahala. Kosovo versus Yugoslavia will be a child’s play.
X:- If everyone is free to go on their own as you suggest, why would Egbas want to be with the Ijebus?
Y:- Yorubas are one and will never be divided.
X:- You obviously didn’t get that from history.
Y:- Yorubas have evolved beyond the dark days of the Kiriji war and moved on as one. Oduduwa Republic, Arewa Republic, Ijaw or whatever they wanna call themselves, Igbos will have to look for another name since they no more have access to the bight of Biafra. I suspect a bloody war (I pray it does not happen) between the Ogonis and Ijaws on one side and the Igbos versus Ibibio and Efik on another side.
X:- Cool. I am not a secessionist though. I am more of a true federalism person.
Y:- True federalism will never be allowed in Nigeria. I can put my life on that.
X:- Secession will never be allowed too.
Y:- Dream on. Nigeria will soon be shred to pieces. When Oduduwa Republic is created, you will have no choice except if you want to migrate to Kuvukiland.
X:- Republics are not created on domain names. I hope you know.
Y:- Okay. You probably don't know much about the fallacy called Nigeria. Nigeria is the new Soviet Union in waiting.
X:- Spare me the bad news. Let me tell you one. You are on your own!
Y:- Okay, at the appropriate time, you will understand.
X:- We shall see
Y:- Nigeria will be divided and everybody will bear his or her father’s name. The mullahs can't wait for an Islamic republic in the North.
X:- You once told me you will only vote for Ribadu in 2015, you think Ribadu will deliver that for you?
Y:- Ribadu is irrelevant. It is inevitable. It may not be in my lifetime but it is bound to happen. Scotland on my mind. Crimea on my mind.
X:- You know Russia will not attack Crimea. Stop playing to the gallery.
Y:- Russia is already in control of Crimea. I am not playing to the gallery.
X:- Time will tell.
Y:- Forget Crimea, it is already gone. Honestly, I do not know what you stand to gain in Nigeria.
X:- Wish your dreams come true. I have nothing to lose. Just that I will then become the president of a mushroom country. I go manage am sha. Lol.
Y:- Mushroom country? You are castigating the second largest economy in Africa?
X:- Second largest? Amuse me.
Y:- You probably don't know that after South Africa, Southwest has the highest number of industries in Africa. We are industrious enough to build a nation on our own.
X:- That's interesting. I honestly didn’t know that but maybe we will lose all of them during our secession wars.
Y:- Against the rag tag Nigerian Army? I dey laugh. Every Yoruba man is a potential Scorpion, the black one. Is it the Hausas that are landlocked that will attack us? X, don't dare the Yorubas. The only reason the Ibos lost the ‘66 war was because they attacked Yorubaland.
X:- You got me with the industry whatever but the military strength claim is just a dream.
Y:- It is not. We have a better chance of getting better weapons from abroad than the North. Being a landlocked country is harsh and their greatest undoing.
X:- Talking of abroad. You are still living in the 1960s. You don't necessarily need waterways to get weapons. It's 21st century brother.
Y:- How would you import heavy weapons with ease across enemy airspace, even America as great as it is still uses Russian territory for moving supplies to Afghanistan.
X:- You better check your map to see millions of routes that can be taken without entering Yoruba airspace. My point is the North can get weapons as easily as the West. In fact, it is easier than for them than the West. Use your atlas
Y:- No. Their supply line will be thinned out. They will have to rely on Chad, Niger and co.
X:- Have you heard of what they call planes? Those big balloons that fly?
Y:- Lol. How exactly are they going to go about it? I don't know of any North African country that will allow the North to use its transport planes. You cannot use civilian planes to do that. Ask Biafra, immediately they lost Port Harcourt to the third marine division, they knew they have lost the war. Please don't talk about the expired inventory of the current malnourished Nigerian army.
X:- How do they get weapons now? Maybe they have magic. Lol.
Y:- You mean the North or Biafra?
X:- I mean the North. Their Boko boys.
Y:- They are getting these weapons through the Chadians and the Nigerians. The weapons currently being used by the Boko boys were looted from the Libyan inventories by the retreating Tuareg mercenaries hired by Ghadaffi.
X:- Well, since you are realistic enough to know that it will not happen in our lifetime. We are cool. Let's leave the logistics to the next generation.
Y:- If only Nigeria were a correct nation, Boko would have been history. Our Air force is totally ineffective. The army is also using outdated heavy weapons. You don't even need a Kornet to take out a Nigerian army tank, a RPG will do the job. Smh.
X:- I will pass on the blame game. I search for solutions. Everyone in this country is blaming someone. Nobody is thinking. THAT is the problem.
Y:- Solution ke? I don tell you that one. Talk of Yugoslavia.
X: If APC has a solution let them give it to GEJ.
Y:- Forget APC, Jonathan is just unfortunate. The only solution is division. Nigeria is a big time fraud. Crimea is an example. Once it seems people cannot get along together, the best thing is division.
X:- Ok, assuming without conceding that division is the solution, what can we do to stop the killing pending the time we divide?
Y:- Organize a SNC.
X:- Which has been done. So in short, you have no idea to offer.
Y:- Which one? The Kangaroo National conference? Where looters and unsound minds will be debating on issues that require a great deal of honesty and integrity? National conference is different from Sovereign National Conference.
X:- Enlighten me please.
Y:- Stop pulling my legs, you already know the difference. If you don't then ask me why the Constitutional Conference organized by Abacha and the National conference organised by OBJ were not implemented. Sovereign, Sovereign, Sovereign.
X:- OK. So in short, people should continue dying because the government has refused to organize a SNC?
Y:- Sovereign National Conference does not need the ratification of a set of overfed legislators.
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