I start by giving credit to a priest of God, Rev. Fr. Otegbulu of St. John Cross Seminary Nsukka for inspiring this article. In a sermon he delivered on Sunday October 4, 2015, he provoked some thoughts and revealed facts that I considered worth sharing.
Today, people go into marriage without making adequate preparations for it. A good friend of mine Tony considers himself ready for marriage because he has come of age and has the financial muscle to bear the burden therein. He doesn’t think any other thing is a criterion.
Another lady I met years back told me she was fully ready for marriage. When I asked why, she told me that she had come of age and needed to have as many kids as possible before menopause.
The question is why do you think you need to get married? To be seen as to have fulfilled societal obligations? To procreate?
Common Bible knowledge tells us that Eve was created because Adam was lonely. He needed companionship. Companionship is the key word. God did not create Eve because He wanted a child-bearing machine for Adam. He wanted to give him companionship.
Some of you might not be Christians and therefore find it difficult to believe the biblical account of creation or any other thing coming from the Bible. In that case, fine. Let’s speak outside religious sentiments. Let us confront stark realties.
Look around you. Most marriages that crash today are those in which the spouses entered into because of other things aside companionship. Sexual pleasure, procreation and satisfying societal demands.
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Are you a man who wants to marry because you just want kids to continue your lineage? Do you think that your marriage will still stand after your wife has met your needs?
Are you a woman who wants to get married because you need to bag the right to be addressed as ‘Mrs.’? Do you think that you will be happy staying in the marriage after the realization of your goal? I hardly think so. And when you lose happiness over your union, do you think the marriage can stand?
What is my point? It is that we should revert to the original plan of God for marriage; be you an atheist or not.
Marry for companionship and nothing would be able to break your marriage. Marry that man or woman who keeps you laughing whenever you are with him or her. Marry that person that you can discuss stupid and irrelevant matters with without getting bored. Marry that person that you always yearn to be with at all times of the day.
In marriage, we should seek companionship and nothing else. Any deviation from this is a sentence to infidelity and divorce.
HOW TO DEAL WITH GOSSIPS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
‘What God has joined together let no man put asunder.’
The above statement is popular. It is used during the solemnization of Holy Matrimony between two consenting adults.
For the purpose of this write-up, I wish to crave the indulgence of my non-Igbo readers to make a modification to the word ‘asunder’. ‘Asunder’ can be twisted into ‘asiri-under’. In Igbo Language, one of the numerous languages spoken by Nigerians, ‘asiri’ means gossip.
Therefore, we can say that what God has joined together, let no man put ‘asiri under’; let no man involve gossip.
Gossips have killed a lot of marriages. Unfounded allegations and rumours are its close-knit brothers. They go hand-in-hand.
Fr. Otegbulu, in teaching how to deal with gossips in our marriages, told the story of one Greek Philosopher, Socrates. Of course we know that he is dead, courtesy of suicide but his ideals and teachings remain evergreen and relevant in the minds of his followers and lovers of knowledge.
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Socrates was approached by a man, name unknown, who wanted to talk to him about one of his (Socrates’) friends. Before he listened to the man, Socrates subjected him a Three-question Test.
“What you are about to tell me about my friend, are you sure it is true? Did you witness it?” He asked.
“No. I was told about it.” The man replied without hesitation.
Socrates put another question to him. “Since you did not witness it, is what you are about to tell me a good thing?”
The man looked at him, puzzled and replied again: “No. something bad.” He wondered what Socrates was getting at.
“What you have to tell me about my friend, will it in any way be beneficial to me?”
The man mumbled a reluctant ‘no’.
Socrates then dismissed him with the words: “I am not interested in being told something about my friend which you are not sure of, which is bad and which will be of no use to me.”
We have a lot to learn from this wise Greek.
Before giving regard to that informant who has a news about your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife, subject him/her to the Socrates’ Three-question Test. If the answers to the questions are all negative, then consider the informant a gossiper. Consider him/her a marriage breaker and close your ears for your own good.
Not everyone you take as a friend will rejoice in the success of your marriage or relationship. Some people as a matter of fact, will do everything possible to see it crash. That nice, handsome and rich husband of yours is some other woman’s dream. The same goes for that pretty, charming wife. She is another man’s ultimate target.
The most common tool of these destroyers is gossiping. They know that if they can make you see your husband or wife in bad light, the union will head for the rocks.
That is why it is called a gossip. It is untrue, speculative and intended for harm.
I blog about relationships every Wednesday at chikawrites.wordpress.com. Join me.
Always live right, love right and marry right.
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