This is a made-up conversation between Nigeria's former
President, Goodluck Jonathan and a good friend of his, former Minister of the
Niger Delta, Peter Godsday Orubebe. It is constructed by me to present
what might be an actual conversation between the two in relation to the recent
events in Zaria, Kaduna.
Orubebe: Oga, na so we se am oh.
Goodluck: I killed 30 of them with the 3 of his sons last year and they
said it was genocide...
Orubebe: Oga, this time they are dancing.
Goodluck: Buhari killed at least 300 of them and 3 sons also...
Orubebe: My President, maybe it is because they threw stone...
Goodluck: My own unko? Did I not say they fired gun shot at the army.
Orubebe: Oga, El-Rufai said procession is banned.
Goodluck: Orubebe, during my own last July they were on an actual large
procession, blocking all the roads when the army confronted them. This one I
hear there was no procession. They were in front of that their house. Reports
say the army first went there and stationed commandos around the building
before Buratai came...this was what they say aroused them that the army
was planning another genocide attack on them, that they convened and
Orubebe: No procession?
Goodluck: I said there was no procession this time. If there was
procession, much more than these number would have died.
Orubebe: But Oga, they said they stoned the Chief of Army staff...
Goodluck: And all the times they stoned me during campaigns...was I
not Commander in Chief of the Armed forces? They blocked me from my civic right
to campaign, with stones and other missiles, did I order them to be mowed to
the ground? Did I send the army to their houses to throw grenade inside?
Orubebe: Oga, I feel you. I am simply playing devils advocate
here. Nawaoh! So Oga, stone at CoAS is big offence...maybe the army ran out of
rubber bullets and tear gas to disperse those angry youths who were lamenting
the army presence in front of their center and still had your own unaddressed
incident fresh in their memory.
Goodluck: I left plenty tear gas in the cupboard.
Orubebe: Oga they say Buratai had to quickly get to some functions and
a party in Zaria that day, they were delaying him.
Goodluck: Is he not supposed to have relocated to Sambisa? Has their
deadline not reach?
Orubebe: They are tweeting: #ZariaIsNotSambisa
Goodluck: How many of them? Hypocrites.
Goodluck: When similar angry youth with sticks and daggers
killed 800 victims in the post election riots of 2011...what if I had done
something to them and sent the army to Buhari's house that they were rioting
Orubebe: These youth did not kill any body Sir. And Zakzaki has denied
that he told the ones that held sticks and stones to do so.
Goodluck: Is that not what I am saying.
Orubebe: Oga, no uproar oh. Na so we see am oh.
Orubebe: I heard El-Rufai is condemning them hard and fast.
Goodluck: Nasir! Nasir that called it genocide and paid
homage visit to Zakzaky when I did my own last year?
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